POEMS: Reformed and Evangelical Clerihews
I.
John Piper,
prepositional griper,
thinks the chief end of man
is best said with “by,” not with “and.”
II.
R.C. Sproul
(God rest his soul)
still sounds from the steeple:
“What’s wrong with you people?”
III.
Rob Bell
wrote a book about hell.
His comparably notable feats include
surfing and eating Mexican food.
IV.
John MacArthur
(excuse this lark, sir)
is somehow still a dispy
despite preaching expositionally.
V.
Kevin DeYoung?
His praises are sung
by godly men and women
and his, like, 12-and-counting children.
VI.
Douglas Wilson
[redacted]
(Sorry, y’all — I’ve got a really good one here, but it’s not suitable for polite company.)
VII.
Tim Keller’s
New York Times bestsellers
won’t help you stay
off the third — no, fourth! — way.
VIII.
Russell Moore
had a good run before
he gave us all heartburn
with a center-left turn.
IX.
Mark Driscoll
scuttled Mars Hill.
They did that one podcast,
but he’s still kind of a badass.
X.
John Mark Comer
is best known for
practicing the way
and questioning PSA.
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